Category Archives: True adoption stories

True #adoption story… Angela Patrick #adoptionstories

On January 16, 1964, Angela Patrick sat in the waiting room of an adoption charity in west London. In her arms she held her sleeping baby, eight-week old Paul. When an adoption worker took Paul from Angela’s lap to ‘take him to show to the couple’, Angela waited for Paul to be returned so she could say goodbye. But Angela would not see Paul for another thirty years.

Angela Patrick

Angela Patrick & Katharine [photo: Sarah Lee for The Guardian]

Nineteen year old Angela was raised in a Catholic family, told she would meet a man, marry him, then children would follow. But Angela went to a party, forgot her mother’s warning of ‘Never let a man touch you’ and found herself pregnant. Angela clearly remembers the emotions today. “From the moment I found out I was pregnant, I felt sheer panic,” says Angela, 68. “I was in denial for weeks. My overwhelming feeling was shame – at how badly I’d let my mother down. But when I finally accepted it, my one thought was: how can I get through this without anyone finding out?”

The fling having ended before Angela found out she was pregnant, she lived first with a supportive friend and then, for the last two months of her pregnancy, at a Catholic home for unmarried mums-to-be. There was no alternative but to have her baby adopted. Having been in denial for so long, it was too late to have an abortion. “I’ve been over it a million times and wondered how I could have kept my baby, but I’ve never come up with an answer,” says Angela. “I would never, ever have been able to go home with a baby.”

Angela’s delivery was difficult and, as a result, she stayed at the home with Paul for two months after the birth. Time for mother and son to form a strong bond. Adoption day was unbearable. “It was impossible to think of another woman mothering him,” she says.

Thirty years later, on January 19, 1994, Angela received a letter from the adoption charity saying Paul had been in touch and would like to make contact with Angela. “I imagined how much it had taken for him to track down the charity. To think he had searched for me, not knowing if I would want anything to do with him, and might reject him all over again, broke my heart.”

Angela went on to marry and have a daughter. Katharine, now 35, has a child of her own and cannot imagine doing what her mother had to do. And she is angry with her grandmother. ” I wasn’t brought up religiously, so I don’t understand the indoctrination my mother had, or the society that she grew up in. My mum is a good person, a nice person, and her own mother behaved in an inhumane way. I can’t imagine letting those beliefs win over what I felt for my child. I have a 10-week old baby, and the thought of being forced to give her up is unimaginable.

“My grandmother died when I was eight. I don’t think, once I’d found out about what had happened to my mum, that I could have forgiven her like Mum did, or would want to have continued a relationship with her.”

Read Angela’s full story at The Guardian.

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True #adoption story… Heather Katz #adoptionstories

When her teenage mother fell pregnant in the winter of 1971, Heather Katz’s mother hid her swelling stomach. “At seven months into her pregnancy, her mother finally uncovered the truth. The following day, her parents set events in motion that would alter the course of many lives to follow. The family arranged for my mother to leave her home state and move into the Edna Gladney Center for unwed mothers in Fort Worth, Texas, USA. No one in her hometown, including her siblings, was ever to know of me—and she was never to speak of my birth.”

Heather Katz

Heather Katz [photo secretsonsanddaughters.org]

Heather was adopted by a rabbi of a large reform congregation in San Antonio and his wife, director of family life education at Jewish Family Services. After years of trying to conceive, the couple received a call from the Gladney Center. It was to be a charmed childhood for Heather.

“We did not keep secrets in our family. From the moment I was adopted, my parents spoke openly of my adoption. When I was only three months old, my great-great aunt asked my mom when she was going to tell me I was adopted. My mom responded with, “I am just going to tell her that she is a girl, Anglo, American and adopted. Being adopted will always be part of her identity.” Indeed, it was. I do not recall a moment of not knowing I was adopted.”

Now with her own children, Heather wonders about her birth family. “I still wonder which unknown family member passed on their musical abilities to both my children and me; I wonder what family folklore I might never hear; and while I met my birth father once, there is much I cannot say or know.”

When she was 21, Heather’s adoptive parents employed an adoption search specialist. Her birth mother was found. After a break of a few months to think about it, Heather asked the social worker to make the telephone call. Her birth mother answered, saying, “My family does not know about her. I cannot talk at this time.”

“Your daughter only wishes for you to know that she is doing well and that she’d enjoy exchanging letters when you’re ready and willing,” said the intermediary.

For several months, Heather and her birth mother exchanged letters. Finally, they met. “We all exchanged hugs, made awkward chatter about hair highlights or something mundane like that, and then shared a light-hearted restaurant meal together. We spent close to four surreal hours with them. From that encounter, a phantom had been laid to rest and my ancestral tree had grown a few more branches. However, when I had asked questions about my birth story or my paternal family, I learned nothing more. At the time, it was too difficult for my mother to dredge up the past.” It would be a further 18 years before Heather’s maternal birth family knew of her existence.

Read Heather’s story in full at her blog, Secret Sons and Daughters, or follow her at Facebook.

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True #adoption story… Mary Anna King #adoptionstories

Over two decades, Mary Anna King refined her angst about her status as an adoptee. “I had always told myself that it was a kind of triple-win scenario – birth families relieve the pressure of a child they are unable to care for, adoptive families gain a much wanted child, a child gains a stable, loving family. But I was beginning to see there was a flipside. There can be no winners without losers. Once adoption was on the table everyone had already lost – lineage, origin, the visions of the future lives they thought they would live – and all our losses were attached to someone else’s gain in an endless, confusing loop.”

Mary Anna King

Mary Anna King [photo: Barry J Holmes/The Observer]

Mary was born in the Eighties in New Jersey, USA, the second eldest of seven children. Her father ‘Michael’ was ‘semi-present’, her mother struggled with money. Mary, her mother and siblings lived in an apartment building full of single mothers. “It operated like a commune of amputees, living with the lost limbs of former lovers. Resources were shared, the kids were subject to discipline of whichever mother happened to be nearest by at the time, rides or walks to school were shared and alternated… that sort of thing.”

Eventually, four of the children were adopted by different families on the East Coast. Mary and her sister Becca were adopted by their maternal grandparents in Oklahoma [below].

Mary Anna King

Mary Anna King and sister Becca, with the grandparents who adopted them [photo: Mary Anna King]

Eventually, each sibling searched for their birth family and the seven were reunited. Says Mary, “It is amazing that they all came back, because the truth is that not all adopted people search. What I have come to learn is that women tend to search more than men, and that this urge to search is spurred on when they start having their own children. Doctors start asking questions about family health history and people start to wonder. The discovery that the adoptee has siblings is another motive, especially among those like my sister Rebekah, who were brought up as only children.”

Mary Anna King

Mary King [photo: Braden Moran]

Read the full Guardian interview here, and there’s more about Mary Anna King at her blog. Or read her memoir, Bastards.

Mary Anna KingBUY THE BOOK

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True #adoption story… Kate & Tom Jameson #adoptionstories

Kate Jameson first thought about adopting a child when she was 16. “I had no overwhelming desire to have my own biological kids – I felt there were enough children in the world already – but knew that I wanted a family and, if I could, I wanted to offer my love to a child who maybe hadn’t had the best start.” At the age of 16, Kate assumed she would probably grow up, meet someone and change her mind.

Kate & Tom Jameson

[photo: meet_the_jamesons @ Instagram]

She was 22 when she met 24-year old Tom, and still wanted to adopt. Then by the time she was 29, “I still had no real longing to have my own child” and felt strongly that there were enough children in the world needing loving homes. Statistics from October 2019 released for National Adoption Week estimated that the UK’s care system had 4,000 children with only 1700 adults wanting to adopt. Tom was initially wary of Kate’s suggestion but agreed to explore the process. “My main worry was that I wouldn’t be able to love an adopted child like my own biological child.”

Kate & Tom Jameson

Preparing for our children’s arrival [photo: meetthejamesons-com]

They decided to look at siblings as it is more difficult for social workers to place siblings together. They met Robert, four, and Eve, two, in February 2018 at the house of their foster carer. A month later, they were living together.

Kate & Tom Jameson

Finding our voice as parents [photo: meetthejamesons-com]

Kate says, “The past two years have been a whirlwind. To begin with, it felt like we’d stepped out of our own lives and into someone else’s. It was overwhelming having two children in the house calling us Mum and Dad and expecting us to know everything.” The children are now six and four and, although the Jamesons would love to adopt again, they are focussing for now on what is right for their two children.

Kate & Tom Jameson

Travelling [photo: meetthejamesons-com]

Read Kate and Tom’s full interview with Good Housekeeping magazine, or follow their story on Instagram and at their blog.

Read this Guardian article about birthstrikers who decide not to have children in response to climate crisis.

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True #adoption story… Dave Lowe #adoptionstories

Dave Lowe, 57, had been given up for adoption when he was just a few months old and his mother was unable to cope. He searched for years for his birth family. Two television programmes – The Jeremy Kyle Show, and Long Lost Family – were unable to help. So his daughter Louise took up the search. Via Genes Reunited and Facebook, she made contact with a woman called Zoe Anderson. Zoe was Dave’s birth sister.

Dave Lowe

Dave Lowe with birth mum Maureen [photo: North News and Pictures]

His birth mother Maureen sent him a text message, “At last my dearest wish has come true – to find you before I die.” Dave was reunited with Maureen, two brothers and a sister. He said, “This has made my life complete.”

The trail was broken when the family had moved to Bradford, West Yorkshire, from the Newcastle in the North East. Dave said, “I would never blame my mum for what happened all those years ago. She was so young, only a teenager, and by giving me away showed responsibility far beyond her years. She knew that I would be well looked after.” Maureen remembers, “I was heartbroken when I had to give him away, his father was absent and I was so young and would have really struggled. My last memory was of him as a tiny baby in my arms and now he is towering over me. I couldn’t be more proud.”

Dave Lowe

Dave Lowe, right, with his two brothers, sister and birth mum [photo: North News and Pictures]

Dave had despaired of ever finding his mother again. “I tried to go through agencies but all they wanted was money and the costs were extortionate. I never knew that Louise had been doing some digging of her own to surprise me.” He later found out that his birth family had been searching for him for 25 years.

Read Dave Lowe’s full interview at The Sun.

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True #adoption story… Brian Moore #adoptionstories

In his 2010 autobiography Beware of the Dog, England rugby player Brian Moore – who was adopted as a baby – wrote about his Malaysian birth father. But when he attended his birth mother’s funeral in 2020, he met birth relatives and discovered his birth father was actually Chinese.

Brian Moore

Brian Moore [photo: Getty Images, Daily Mail Online]

“Went to my birth mother’s funeral yesterday,” he posted on Twitter. “Strange feeling meeting my brother and sister and a whole set of blood relatives I never knew about. Turns out I’m half Chinese, not Malaysian, and my birth grandfather was a steelworker in Rotherham.” When he was an adult Moore had traced his birth mother, Rina Kirk, who told him his birth father was Malaysian.

Moore, who won 64 international caps playing rugby for England, now works as a solicitor. He was born in Birmingham in 1962 and was adopted by Ralph and Dorothy Moore when he was seven months old.

Brian Moore, middle, in a game at Twickenham in 1991 [photo: Getty Images, Daily Mail Online]

Ralph and Dorothy had two children of their own and an adopted Chinese daughter; they lived on a council estate in Illingworth near Halifax in West Yorkshire.  The Moores taught Brian about the country they believed he was from –  Malaysia. “I remember having a book about rubber plantations in Malaysia, and I pictured jungle tigers stalking the land.” In his book he added, “I never hide the fact that I am half Malaysian, nor have I ever felt ashamed of it, but nor do I think it very relevant to who I am.”

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True #adoption story… Oksana Masters #adoptionstories

Oksana Masters won a silver medal at the Sochi Winter Olympics in 2014 for Paralympic cross-country skiing. She represented USA, but was born in the Ukraine in 1989 just three years after the Chernobyl nuclear disaster. Oksana was born with severe physical defects caused by exposure to radiation. Given up for adoption at birth because her birth defects would require lots of help, Oksana lived in three different orphanages until she was seven years old. Oksana Masters

At the age of seven, Oksana was adopted by an American woman, a single mother, and started a new life in New York. “My birth defects ultimately required that I have both legs amputated; the left at age 9 and the right at age 14. I’ve also had multiple reconstructive surgeries to both of my hands. Soon after, my mother and I moved from Buffalo, New York to Louisville, Kentucky when I was 13.”

This is when Oksana first tried rowing. “When I was on the water, I began to feel a new sense of freedom and control that was taken from me so many times throughout my past. I found out quickly the more I pushed myself, the stronger, faster and more in control I became. My body responded to pain with ever-increasing strength and purpose. I pushed the water and it pushed back.”

Oksana Masters

Oksana skiing

In 2012, Oksana and her rowing partner Rob Jones won a rowing bronze medal in the London Paralympic Games. After that success Oksana moved to skiing [above], a transfer she says “was easy because both sports target the same muscle groups.” At the 2014 Sochi Games, Oksana won silver and bronze skiing medals.

Oksana Masters

Oksana cycling

After Sochi, she tried hand cycling [above] which meant learning new race tactics. “After trying it for the first time, I fell in love with the speeds I could reach that other sports couldn’t. I found a new sense of ‘rush’.”

Oksana is convinced that her love of sports is in her blood. “Because I am so competitive and hate losing, I believe sports was always in my blood. I am so thankful I have been given a “second chance” in life through my amazing family and the opportunity to fulfill my passion and hunger for racing and competing.”

Read more about Oksana’s story.

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True #adoption story… Tom Pickard #adoptionstories #true

Tom Pickard is an English poet who writes with lyrical beauty and erotic edge about his life in the North Pennines. In Fiends Fell, his 2017 book combining journal entries with poetry about a single year living on a bare hilltop in the border country between England and Scotland, Pickard writes about his childhood and the mystery of this birth.

Tom Pickard

[photo: Charles Smith]

Adopted by his great-aunt Katie at the age of nine months, Tom acquired the surname Pickard. He was christened as McKenna, Katie’s maiden name. In Fiends Fell, Pickard doesn’t dwell on his beginnings, but he does explore the gaps in his knowledge, understanding and memories. As a poet he is fascinated by language and, trying to recall a word in the local dialect, he says, ‘There is no memory of its currency in my childhood, which is the first place you’d want to look for a word you knew but had forgotten you knew and which had spontaneously recurred to mind.’ Later, attending the funeral of someone he had known since childhood, Pickard says, ‘His widow Pauline… was someone who knew the history of my – to me – mysterious origins… All I knew was that I knew nothing outside of being illegitimate and that I had a ‘brother’ with the same name.’ Could it be this brother who would unlock the mystery of Tom’s birth?

This is a book about life on the edge, of isolation, of poverty, of love of nature. It is not a book about adoption, rather it is an adopted man’s love of the life around him, his struggle to get by. Read it for the poetry and the descriptions of birds. Beautiful.

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True #adoption story… George Dennehy #adoptionstories

When baby George was born without arms, his family in Romania could not cope. They took him to an orphanage where he was given little chance of survival. Twenty five years ago, a doctor attached a death certificate to his crib, part-completed, with the exact date and time of passing not filled in. But baby George lived on. And then a family from America arrived, wanting to adopt him.

George Dennehy

George Dennehy now

George, now 25 and a youth pastor, father and musician, does not remember his time at the orphanage. “I was neglected and abandoned,” he says. “Not taken care of. Not given good treatment or love or nutrition or anything like that.”

George Dennehy

George Dennehy as a baby

Musically gifted, George learned to play musical instruments with his feet. Now a cello player, he is the only known person in the world to play a classical stringed instrument with his toes. He tours the USA sharing his original music and is an advocate for the child sponsorship programme run by Holt International, where a sponsorship plan of monthly gifts can enable a child like George to stay with their birth family.

George Dennehy

George Dennehy with his son Landon

Listen to George sing Not Abandoned and here, playing with the Goo Goo Dolls.
Read more about Holt International’s child sponsorship programme.

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True #adoption story… a letter to Sarah, the mother of my adopted son #adoptionstories

Four years after adopting, the father of an adopted baby puts pen to paper and writes to his son’s birth mother. The original letter appeared in The Guardian. It is an emotional read, partly because you quickly realise the birth mother has died. And, as you read on, you realise the two adoptive parents are men. “In fact, you will always be his only mother – as we are both men. And I cannot help but wonder how you would feel about the fact that David has two Daddies and I hope that you would be accepting of that.”

[photo: Maria Lindsey Media Creator/Pexels]

The letter writer and his partner read the file of a baby boy on a September morning. It was a difficult story to read, “Yours was a story so far removed from our own that it took every ounce of imagination to understand what you must have gone through.” And then came the phone call to say the baby’s mother Sarah had died.

“Suddenly, we knew what we had to do. There was never any doubt. All I remember was an overwhelming desire to protect this little boy, to give him the love and care he deserved. And really that was that; as far as we were concerned, David was now our son. There were further meetings, questions, paperwork, panels, decisions, arrangements and preparations. Then, two months later, we met him for the first time. I hope the fact that I call him ‘our son’ does not offend you. Sarah, you will always be his birth mother. But I make no apology in referring to him as our son.”

The relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents can be an awkward one, but for these two fathers the challenge is different. It does seem strange writing to someone I have never met, but part of me feels that I know you so very, very well.”

Read the full letter to Sarah at The Guardian.

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