Tag Archives: birth mother

True #adoption story… Joy Lieberthal Rho #foreveradoption

“Adoption isn’t always forever.” That’s the experience of Joy Lieberthal Rho. “One mother never replaced the other mother.” This is her story of being adopted from Korea.

Joy Lieberthal Rho

[photo: Korean American Story]

Joy’s birth mother found her again when Joy was 24. “One mother is the person I was born from. We have the same complexion, shoe size, fingers, nose, and chin. She lost me at age three to a man who promised he would let her visit, but in a year’s time, she would have no idea where I was. After months of chasing down last known guardians, she arrived at the orphanage too late: I had been adopted, and no one had known that my mother was trying to find me all that time.” Although still in contact with her birth mother, Joy says it feels to late to ask her to be her Mum but she misses the shared remembering, the shared family stories.

She has a shared history with her adoptive mother, but they split when Joy was 19. “One mother is the person who claimed me when others believed me to be without a mother. This mother disappeared with a click of the phone, when a truth she couldn’t handle severed our relationship. At the time, I said, Okay, Mom, I will wait to hear from you—that was the last time I said the word “Mom.” To this day, I wonder, if I just didn’t say it, if I didn’t make it known, would I still have a mother?”

Joy ponders on whether she needs a mother. Not for day-to-day living, she says, but “sometimes there are moments when you just long for a person who is obligated to be in your corner.” She is a mother herself and this has led her to ponder on the nature of motherhood. Ninety nine per cent of the time she says she is fine, the other 1%, the tough days, she wishes she had a mother to call.

Read Joy’s written account of her story in Catapult magazine.

If you like this true story, read:-
Amy Seek
Brenda Rhensius
Denise Temple 

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True #adoption story… Amy Seek #closedadoption #openadoption

When 23-year-old Amy Seek decided to give up her baby son for adoption, she assumed that closed adoption – where she would never see her son again – was her only option. But in the US, where Amy was living at the time, she spoke to the Catholic Social Services and learned for the first time about open adoption.

open adoption

[photo: JGI-Tom Grill via Getty Images]

“When the counsellor explained open adoption – that I would be able to select the parents and know my child – adoption suddenly seemed more humane, more possible,” she told Huffington Post UK.

Open adoption, which allows contact between the birth family and the adoptive family, is rare in the UK but more common in the USA. So what is open adoption? There are three types:-

  1. direct contact, with face-to-face or telephone contact between birth family and adoptive family;
  2. indirect contact, the exchange of letters, cards and gifts between the birth and adoptive families;
  3. links provided by the birth or adoptive family, and retained by the adoption agency to be passed onto the child in the future, if requested by the relevant person.

Amy, now 39 and living in London, says,“When my son was four he’d smile sobroadly when I’d arrive, he’d show me his toys and want to play with me.” She sees her son, who lives in the US, between three and seven times a year.

Read more about open adoption in this article at Huffington Post UK.

If you like this true story, try:-
Brenda Rhensius
Eileen Heron
Helen Harrison

open adoption

Read this true story about an open adoption.
BUY

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True #adoption story… Brenda Rhensius #AdoptionReunion #birthmother

In 1963 when nineteen-year old unmarried Brenda Rhensius gave up her only daughter Joanne for adoption, she cannot have predicted how much her life would change in the years afterwards. Brenda married, had a son, forged a successful career and moved to South Africa. But she never forgot Joanne. “Every year on her birthday my insides felt like they were being ripped out and that never went away, even after 48 years,” Brenda tells the Daily Mirror.

birth mother

Brenda Rhensius and Joanne Dickson [photo: ITV]

Brenda began her search when Joanne reached her 18thbirthday, but without success. So when she contacted the team at Long Lost Family it was with the assumption that Joanne was untraceable or simply didn’t want to be found. It took the television team just a few months to find Joanne. And she was also living in South Africa.

“I couldn’t believe she had been found, let alone that we had both ended up living thousands of miles away in the same country,” says Brenda. “When we finally met it was so emotional. All I could say was, ‘You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful’, and gave her a great big hug. There was no screaming or crying, we just sat down and started talking and instantly it was as if those 48 years apart had just faded away. Until that day I’d always felt a part of me was missing, but meeting her made me feel whole again.”

Brenda gave birth to Joanne at a mother and baby home in Manchester. “My parents felt it was the right thing and actually I thought it would be the best thing for my baby too – there was a huge stigma on illegitimate children and I thought her only chance was to grow up with a mum and a dad,” remembers Brenda. Mum and daughter stayed in the unit for six weeks after birth, until the adoption day arrived. Brenda and Joanne were driven to the Methodist Adoption Society and asked to wait in a room. The adoptive parents waited in another room. “A nurse came in and said, ‘Joanne’s new parents are here’. She took her off me and walked out and that was it – it was horrible and so brutal,” Brenda says. “I could hear her new mother squeal with delight through the walls and I felt so bereft.”

When the two women finally met, they discovered a shared love of animals and a silly sense of humour. Joanne says, “I like drama and singing and I’m very outgoing but my adoptive parents were very shy, quiet, gentle people – I always felt totally different to them. Brenda is much more like me. We actually found ourselves finishing each other’s sentences and we have the same mannerisms – we both talk with our hands and we both waffle! And there were some incredible coincidences. The fact that we both ended up in South Africa was the biggest one.”

Read more details of Brenda and Joanne’s story.
Helpful ‘adoption search’ resources, suggested by the team behind the Long Lost Family television programme.
Want to appear on Long Lost Family?
Help with late discovery adoption.

If you like this true story, try:-
Denise Temple
Ramiro Osorio Cristales 
Alice Collins Plebuch 

Ignoring Gravity

Why not try a fictional story about adoption reunion. Ignoring Gravity is first in the ‘Identity Detective’ series. Rose Haldane is confident about her identity. She pulls the same face as her grandfather when she has to do something she doesn’t want to do, she knows her DNA is the same as his. Except it isn’t: because Rose is adopted and doesn’t know it. BUY

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True #adoption story… Laurence Peat #AdoptionReunion

Today’s adoption story from the UK television series Long Lost Family focuses on a birth child who searched for many years for his birth mother but never found her. The sense of rejection never left this 55-year old lorry driver from Chesterfield, UK.

Long Lost Family

Laurence Peat says, “I’ve only ever cried three times in my life. When Dad died. When Mum died. When I got divorced.” Crying is not a problem to Laurence by the end of this programme. He was told he was adopted when he was seven. “We’re not your real parents,” his adoptive parents told him and he asked no questions, not wanting to upset them. “I don’t like people being upset,” he explains. For years he searched secretly for his birth parents, now that both his adoptive parents are dead he feels able to be open about his search, open about his need to ask ‘why?’

“Why did she put me up for adoption at that early age… If you’re not wanted, it hurts.”  Sadly for Laurence, his birth mother is found to be dead. But he has a half-sister who, from a box of family photographs kept by her mother, produces a black-and-white photo of an unidentified baby. This treasured box survived multiple house moves, proving its importance.

Laurence compares this photograph with one his adoptive parents have of him of the day they adopted him: it is the same baby, wearing the same clothes, photographed against the same background. So although Laurence will never meet his birth mother, he is reassured that “she never forgot me all that time.”

Helpful ‘adoption search’ resources, suggested by the team behind the Long Lost Family television programme.
Want to appear on Long Lost Family?
Help with late discovery adoption.

If you like this true story, try:-
George Orwell
Jenna Cook
Ramiro Osorio Cristales 

Ignoring Gravity

 

Rose Haldane in Ignoring Gravity is confident about her identity. She pulls the same face as her grandfather when she has to do something she doesn’t want to do, she knows her DNA is the same as his. Except it isn’t: because Rose is adopted and doesn’t know it. First in the ‘Identity Detective’ series. BUY

 

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True #adoption story… Bob MacNish #truestory #adoptionreunion

Bob MacNish was 22 when his father died. On his deathbed, his father told him he was adopted. MacNish spent the next 50 years searching for the truth but getting nowhere. His original birth certificate was legally sealed.

[photo: Mitsu Yasukaway/northjersey.com]

Then in 2018, MacNish was one of the first adult adoptees to be given his original birth certificate in the state of New Jersey. State laws continue to change in the USA regarding the information available to adult adoptees. According to the American Adoption Congress, nine states now allowed unrestricted access and a further 11 allow access with restrictions [including New Jersey]. Records remain sealed in 22 states.

Bob MacNish finally met his birth mother for the first time, when he was 73. “For me, there was always that hunger for that answer. I need to know the truth about where I come from,” he told NJTV News. He knew he was born in Weehawken and given up for adoption when he was three days old. All he knew was that his birth mother was probably Italian. His adoption was private, arranged by an attorney. MacNish grew up feeling ‘a little different’ from his adopted family of Scottish farmers in central New Jersey.

Bob MacNish with birth mother Jean and half-sister Sheila [photo: Mitsu Yasukaway/northjersey.com]

If you like this true story, try:-
Eileen Heron
Jenna Cook
Emmeline Pankhurst 

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True #adoption story… Eileen Heron #identity

The arrangement to adopt a baby came about by a chance meeting at a bus stop. One day Terri Heron, married and childless, met a priest while waiting for the bus. They started chatting and when he heard that Terri had no children, the priest asked if she had ever considered adopting. What followed was an illegal adoption leaving that baby, Eileen Heron, now in her fifties, without the true facts of her birth.

In May 1965, baby Eileen was delivered to the Heron’s home in Churchtown, a suburb of Dublin, Eire, with birth and baptism certificates. Years later when Eileen started to research her birth family, she found both certificates were false. Although she celebrates her birthday, she admits she has no idea if this is correct. ‘I actually don’t have a single piece of reliable information about who I am,’ she told the Irish Times. When she met the priest, he refused to help. Though against the law, illegal adoption was common at this time, perpetuated by the shame of the mothers who were reluctant to seek help. 

Eileen Heron
Eileen Heron with a picture of herself as a baby [photo Aidan Crawley/IrishTimes]

Eileen, now a mother herself, realised the mystery of her identity no longer affected only her. So she enrolled on a course for adult adoptees run by Barnardos Ireland.

The group covered topics like what it was like to grow up adopted and how to search for a birth family. A birth mother and an adoptive mother also give their perspectives; the course ends with a final discussion of what can happen after a reunion. The course has been running for 20 years and its content has evolved in that time to include the use of searching via social media. ‘We would advise people against using social media as a way to approach either birth relatives or adopted adults,’ said Christine Hennessey, Barnardos post-adoption services project leader. ‘It’s a very abrupt tool and it can be quite frightening for people.’ Instead, Barnardos encourages mediated contact.

Listening to the stories of other people attending the course, Eileen realised how her situation differed from those who had been legally adopted, ‘the chances of me ever finding my birth family are terribly small. That was like a bereavement.’

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